I read somewhere that if you love someone, you have to let him/her go. If you're meant to be, he/she will come back to you.
I never realised that this words will come into my life. I know it'll come sooner or later, but I just didn't realised it will be this soon. I don't practise what I preach. Well, when it comes to love affairs, that is. I can tell you not to be too excited everytime you meet him. I can tell you not to say "yes" everytime he asked you out, so as to appear hard to get. I can tell you not to keep waiting for his calls or smses, since a watched phone never rings. I can tell you all that.
But I can also tell you that, I don't do all those that I've said. Like what I've said, I don't practise what I preached. It's not that I don't want to. It's cause, I don't have the heart to do it. I believed that if you really like/love someone, there's no reason not to let him/her know. Sure, it's a game of love. But I never really thought it's a must to play to keep things interesting.
But sometimes, I must know when to admit defeat. I can tell you that, if, I had done what I had preached, I might not have felt soo much hurt right now. I might not have think soo much. And, I might not have gone into depression. I know ppl will say "I told you so."
I'm scared. I think I'm on the verge of depression again. I didn't sleep, I didn't eat that much. I sat up at night, crying. I'm scared of what's happening to me. I didn't feel like going to work. I feel like lying on my bed all day. But I needed the money. And, I know that, I wake up everyday for work, because of one friend, Marhamah. The one friend who can tahan basically all my crap. And the one friend whom I'll miss loads if I stop working at NTUC Income.
I guess, that's what both he and I are doing now. We're both letting each other go while remaining as friends. Is that what I want? I can honestly say no. We've known each other too well, the good and the bad. And I'll probably end up celebrating my 1 year anniversary of my first date alone. And I'll doubt he'll remembers. I guess it's true. Guys + Commitments = Total Disaster. But it's probably for our own good. And I'll gain a really good friend.
And I know, despite being positive, I'll end up being in depression once again.
P.S. Theme/Amusement park, anyone? I wanna let my inner child out.
Sorry pabo, but
Thank you Lee Junho for being dorky and smiling all the time and making me laugh with your crazy antics for 4 days straight when I was bored and when I couldn't sleep at night. Thank you for making me swoon over your soulful vocals when I'm missing pabo. Thank you for being cute and making me look at you all the time during Idol Show. Thank you for making me like you on your birthday. And, am I the only one who don't think you look like Rain? Lol.
Nichkhun, Taekyeon, Junho, Jaebeom, Junsu, Chansung and Wooyoung. Can't believe you're all younger than me, except for Jaebeom oppa. I love Junho's smile. 1st December 2008. The date where I officially like you guys. Thank you for entertaining me with all your craziness. Do continue enthralling us with your dance moves and vocals.
I miss these dorky boys. Especially the pabo who thinks his back is what I wanna see. Lol. And I know that pabo's thinking of me when he claims his sexiest part of the body is his side jawline. He knows I love his jawline. Hahahahhaa.
Tags replied:
Nydia: Lol. I'm still single. So it's ok. Hahaha. Pabo had girlfriendS before. Heheheeheh.
PY: I miss you too. Yea, I've been crying at night nowadays. Lol. It sucks cause my eyes will look puffy the next day. Not glam at all! Give you? Hmmmmm....I'll think bout it. Lol. Yea, let's pretend he's camwhoring using MY camera. HAHAHAHAHA. He's definitely thinking of me. Hahahaha. We're meant to be! Hahahaha. He knows I've always wanted him to look aegyo, so since I'm looking at Lee Junho more, he's trying to attract my attention back. HAHAHAHAHAHHA.
Amy: I'm bored too. And I miss you guys loads.
